All Sewn Up

I’m nearing the end of the Hooded Duck baby blanket and once again, it is time to whine about finishing issues…

I hate sewing. I absolutely hate it. Years ago, my mother taught me how to sew, and in the beginning, I actually liked hand-sewing. I made a few small items and all was well. THEN…my mother picked up a second-hand sewing machine for me, thinking it would make it easier for me to make more items, as I had expressed an interest in learning how to make my own clothes. This was a mistake. I could not get the hang of pushing the pedal with my foot and guiding the item through that nasty, NASTY pulsating needle. My bobbins kept getting messed up, as did my other thread. My seams kept coming out crooked; ironically, when I hand-sewed my seams were straighter. I began to develop a colorful vocabulary of four-letter words that wildly gushed forth every time I got within 10 feet of the machine.

Then there was the ugly story making the rounds of the family about how my sister-in-law Joyce had gotten her finger caught in her sewing machine. The needle had somehow punctured her finger right through and she couldn’t get it out! My brother Tony had to rush her to the emergency room WITH THE SEWING MACHINE.

My mother finally took away my machine. I think it had less to do with Joyce almost losing her right finger and more to do with me continuously using the language of a prison inmate…

Anyway, ever since then, I’ve been put off sewing, period. When I learned how to knit and crochet I was mortified to find out that I’d have to sew pieces together. I’m really not sure how I thought they were going to be joined otherwise. I think, unconsciously, I was hoping that little elves would tiptoe into the house in the middle of the night and complete all my garments for me, so that I wouldn’t have to be bothered with such pesky details.

This is why I love knitting in the round—less sewing.

So, this brings us to the baby blanket…I’m almost done knitting the little duck bill. After that, I have to sew on some buttons for eyes, sew on the bill, and sew the hood to the blanket, before I begin the I-cord edging. I’m just dreading the whole thing. I keep putting it off by working on my brillo pad socks instead. I also have an Owls sweater that needs to have buttons sewn on. I’ve had ALL SUMMER to do that, but did I? Nooooo…I’m probably going to put that off until the morning I decide to wear the sweater this winter.

&^%*#@...